I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
