I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
