K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
