I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
