the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
