she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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