Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
