she looked like the bat from fern gully.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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