If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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