I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
