I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
