How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
