it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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