I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
