did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
