bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
