He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
