i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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