he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
