I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
