i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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