i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
