my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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