It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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