well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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