I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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