Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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