Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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