He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
