All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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