White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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