i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
