i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
