i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
