whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
