fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
