You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
