the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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