I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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