the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
