I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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