**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The uberlube is also flammable
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
