hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just invented taco cereal.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
