I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need water and some morals
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
