i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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