Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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