have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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