pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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