I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
