I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
