Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
