Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
