haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you win again, gameday.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
