I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
