Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
